Corporate Lingo

[Gizmo]

Corporate Lingo

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be chldless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON: If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We’ve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I’M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO: I’m never at my desk.