You have to live in Ottawa for this one!

[Kevin]

  A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the Ottawa River. She went down to the
docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier crying.
 He took pity on her and said,"Look, you've got a lot to live for.
I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you
away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food
everyday." Moving closer he slipped this arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy ". The girl
nodded yes.
 He wasn't too good looking, but after all... what did she have to
lose?
 That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
 Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the  captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady," the Captain said. " This is the Masson-Cumberland Ferry."